Embracing His Passion

After a month's time, I decided to come back to my blog. I am going to share you some other experiences. When he went along with his new life, I went to a retreat centre for mental peace and to gain forgiveness. 1 week prayer meetings and counsellings. (As I said I was almost in a state of psychic or mental depression). For the first few days I didn’t feel any change in myself, again same thoughts, same sleepless nights and criying eyes. The lady, the warden of the ladies hostel in the retreat centre, helped me a lot to overcome my situation with hopes and advices.

Time passed,I met there a lot of people; mentally retarded, handicapped and with hell lot of problems. Around 500 AIDS patients, orphans, widows with no family support and old age people. I had no idea that the girl who was sitting near to me for the whole week, (she was very nice to me) was suffering from mental crisis. When I heard the touching story of each person, I thought, “What the f**king problem is mine??? Why am getting depressed for a lost love?” Just so dazed, this recognition, this awareness. I never felt so before.

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

After the one week meet,I went back to hostel and then to work.I realized that I dont feel much difference in my mental dilemma. But let it be! Challenges are way of life!

Beautiful Distraction

PART 1
When I met "Mr.H" for the first time, he was surrounded by a cluster of young men and women.Very liberating.I gave a glance at him, he doesn't seems to be responding to my fussy smile.I took my seat in the oblong bay, switching on the computer system.The girl sitting near to me "Ms.G" gave me a warm and pleasant smile.

Me : "Hello, My name is 'MK'. Nice to meet you".
G: "Hi, I am 'G'.

Our conversatoin continued like that and it didnt take much time for us to become friends (Its like that, I can make friends easily, Thats me, "MK"). But the best among them is always "Ms.R". "Mr.H", was very friendly with everyone. Our affair also started with a friendship, within a short span of time. I never thought that I will befall into such a close and deep relation.

PART 2

The Answer is always UP....

"Hmmm….tired of trying all the ways to overcome this state of calamity. (Will tell u in detail about the ways) No use... Again the thoughts of past is killing me. He is still in the same stand, Ya, of course it’s good (good for everyone). Now, the pain is only mine (may be bcoz am an emotional brat). A good word does not going to cost him anything. And that’s what I expected; my expectation is still going on…..I may be wrong in my expectations now, but I was right for everything, once upon a time.
I will wait, I will wait for him to realize my love (not to continue this relation, but for being good to each other). I believe in our love, crazy isn’t’ it? I love this wild craze!!! enjoying this pain of loneliness, missing, refusal... I am here not blaming anyone, its all situations. May be his situation forced him to do so and my emotions are not ready to accept it."